Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
