That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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