I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
