whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Mom said you looked used
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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