Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
