Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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