Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
