Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and she was petting her beer can
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
