i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
