remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize