We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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