On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
