And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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