im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
