Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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