you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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