You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
