I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
being pregnant is like rehab
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
