with your own penis?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
