Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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