no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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