I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize