i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
