So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize