She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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