JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
