before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
