The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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