M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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