Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
