Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
