If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Let's paint friendship bongs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
