ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
