Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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