Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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