I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
being pregnant is like rehab
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
