i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bring me that man meat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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