and you said cock pushups were impossible
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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