But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
