He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
