I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
