when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
