I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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