This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
