I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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