Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
