I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
