thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
