I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
