I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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