you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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