I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I die, sorry about rent.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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