Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
