My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
