the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
