How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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