if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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