DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
