so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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