The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
