he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
