STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
