I hate your face
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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