Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
