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yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was born a porn star she said
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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