you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream