Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Five things that make you perfect. Go.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

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  (918): Five things that make you perfect. Go. (1-918): The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/ni7m
  Replies (26) Good night (6573) Bad night (1177)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.

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  (937): What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease. http://tfl.nu/nyp8
  Replies (97) Good night (1402) Bad night (2983)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

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  (979): I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME http://tfl.nu/ljwk
  Replies (35) Good night (1154) Bad night (4475)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her

  (513): View more from Ohio

  me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..

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  (513): woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her (513): me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you.. http://tfl.nu/01sh
  Replies (79) Good night (1356) Bad night (5822)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

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  (+44): At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever. http://tfl.nu/bxy4
  Replies (17) Good night (8690) Bad night (1026)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.

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  (803): She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/t2n2
  Replies (12) Good night (712) Bad night (1446)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.

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  (309): I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough. http://tfl.nu/3hvx
  Replies (3) Good night (686) Bad night (1146)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.

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  (+61): It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys. http://tfl.nu/j3cl
  Replies (8) Good night (704) Bad night (1973)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.

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  (212): Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals. http://tfl.nu/0i6j
  Replies (2) Good night (1950) Bad night (580)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.

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  (423): Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/4jzk
  Replies (6) Good night (1799) Bad night (549)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.

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  (502): got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood. http://tfl.nu/bzvq
  Replies (8) Good night (1562) Bad night (693)
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  (595): View more from

  In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.

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  (595): In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today. http://tfl.nu/kbdd
  Replies (8) Good night (1106) Bad night (412)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.

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  (469): So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101. http://tfl.nu/16s8
  Replies (5) Good night (673) Bad night (370)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?

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  (816): The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do? http://tfl.nu/ds79
  Replies (5) Good night (536) Bad night (405)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?

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  (859): Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"? http://tfl.nu/ijad
  Replies (8) Good night (484) Bad night (147)

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