its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
