There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
