my mouth tastes like poor choices
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
