Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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