Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
