there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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