Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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