Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
