Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
