I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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