omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
